WWE Royal Rumble 2013

WWE Royal Rumble 2013 Predictions – January 27, 2013 – Predictions from Smartasses Magazine Senior Editor- Johnny Video.

WWE Royal Rumble 2013 Predictions | Pay Per View Predictions – SA Magazine

WWE Royal Rumble 2013 Predictions - Smartasses MagazineTypically, in a show of loyalty to TNA, I shy away from WWE pay per views. However, the Royal Rumble has always been one of my favorites, in much the same “anything-can-happen” way that March Madness is a favorite time of the year for College Basketball. Combine that with TNA’s reduced PPV schedule, and well, here we are. Granted, my expertise lies with TNA, however, WWE is usually a little more prototypical in their storytelling. So perhaps that’s a wash. Either way, truth be told, typically patterned or not, this years road to Wrestlemania has a lot of different forks in the proverbial road, therefore, it’s rare that one will hear me say this about anything WWE related, but I for one am genuinely excited – if for no other reason than to try and guess just when, how, and where AJ Lee will work her way onto this card.


United States Championship (Pre-Show)
Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. The Miz

If you ask the experts, on one hand, since this is just a pre-show match, it is by default “less-important”, and therefore very unlikely that we will see a title change. To that end, there is also a consensus that The Miz has already fallen from the lofty heights of main-event-status to losing in a bid for the Intercontinental Title, and having him put forth any kind of real effort for the belt below that one… is an even bigger slap in the face- meaning that it’s almost better for him to get screwed out of the victory and forget this match ever happened, than it is to waltz around WWE arenas wearing a belt that is beneath him. I couldn’t disagree more. Remember, this card is headlined by a guy who hasn’t been an active WWE participant in some time, being handed a shot at their most prestigious title, so WWE certainly isn’t concerned with who gets a face slap and who doesn’t. With that said, clearly WWE has found success with turning The Miz babyface and pairing him up with Ric Flair. Ric Flair has put a little icing on that cake by allowing Miz to use his patented Figure Four Leglock. So let’s face some facts: WWE wants Miz to come out a winner here somewhere, and the last time I checked, neither The Figure Four nor The Reality Check were the type of finishing moves that send people over the top rope in a thirty man battle royale. Combine that with the fact that Miz will be starring in the upcoming, patriotic WWE film Marine 3: Homefront, and it makes a lot of sense to have Miz wear the US Title… while elevating Cesaro to a higher status without having that red, white and blue albatross around his hips.

Winner: The Miz


WWE Divas Championship
Kaitlyn (c) vs. Tamina

Kaitlyn hasn’t even finished the cup of coffee she poured after she won that belt, and everyone knows this belt only changes hands roughly every 124 days.

Winner: Kaitlyn


WWE Tag Team Championship
Team Hell No (c) vs. Rhodes Scholars

If you’ve been following me for very long, you know full well that I am not an advocate of low-brow humor. Therefore, it should come as no surprise as to why I feel less intelligent any time I watch an episode of Raw or Smackdown- and the cornball antics that they put Kane and Daniel Bryan through with this “Anger Management” crap and the Doctor Shelby horse it rode in on… is pretty much ninety-percent of the reason why. So suffice it to say, despite how painful it was to watch the hugging segment last Monday night, at least I can equate it to that moment when you rip the bandage off. Yes, it hurts. But at least it’s over. Unfortunately for Kane & Bryan, so is their title reign. For whatever reason, Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes, even though one might argue that their characters are equally as sophomoric, are just so damn good at their roles. One cannot help but laugh when Damien goes old-school style, and arrogantly flaunts his intellect, or when Rhodes gets animated should anyone make jokes about his mustache. Therefore, I am not only expecting, but hoping WWE decides to run with the challengers and give them the belts, and hopefully get Bryan and Kane back in the World or Heavyweight Title hunts where they belong.

Winner: Rhodes Scholars


World Heavyweight Title Match – Last Man Standing
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Big Show

Is this the match where the beautiful and talented, Chuck Taylor wearing, AJ Lee rears her lovely, ravenous hair ensconced… and deadly head? Let me rephrase the question: Regardless of the outcome here, does Dolph Ziggler cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase when all is said and done? For now, let’s just pick a winner between Del Rio and Big Show. Maybe it’s just me, but guessing the outcome to this is as easy as your history teacher giving you all the correct answers as a Friday study-guide, for a final exam you’ll be taking on Monday. We’ve already established that Alberto can beat Paul Wight, just by the fact that he won the belt from him. We also learned on Smackdown that Del Rio can keep him down for a ten count, when he knocked him out of the ring for exactly that long during the main event elimination tag team match. Seeing as how the WWE has a staunch history of employing the “Whatever happens on Friday, the opposite will happen on Sunday” stratagem, then it’s pretty obvious to me, since ‘Show’ unleashed some wrath on the Mexican Aristocrat post-bell to close out the show on Friday, that the opposite will occur this Sunday- seeing as how ADR has established that it can be done. Which means Del Rio will retain. Do I like it? No. I think Alberto Del Rio is a horrific choice as a babyface, and I stopped caring about the Big Show ever since he was called The Giant, and was kicked out of the NWO fifteen some years ago. So hopefully there is a means to an end here and the WWE is simply borrowing time until they can put that belt on Ziggler. Maybe tonight is that night. But truth be told, even though that would add some spice to this match, I’m really hoping WWE has even bigger plans for Dolph.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio


30 Man Royal Rumble Match

Yes, you heard it from me first, I am giving you a 100% lock that you will see both Carlito and Shelton Benjamin in the Royal Rumble. There is also a 0% chance of seeing Rikishi again, and I lastly will add that there is a 50% chance you will see MVP make a “Hey, I sort of remember that guy… I think” not so stellar return as well.

Scenario #1: As the whole world is seemingly predicting, John Cena wins the Royal Rumble and goes on to face The Rock at Wrestlemania, after The Rock defeats CM Punk for the WWE Championship.

Scenario #2: I cannot get past the fact that I inherently believe, that WWE is taking a very, very, very long and winding road at pairing up AJ Lee and CM Punk in the long haul. It is also a fact that every smart mark on the planet wants to see Ziggy get a long overdue push. In this scenario, WWE achieves both by letting Dolph win the Rumble, giving him an unprecedented “number one contendership-esque” status to both belts.

Scenario #3: WWE has done a great job of making you forget about Brock Lesnar, yet, keep him on your proverbial ‘back burner’ at the same time by dropping his name in promotional commercial spots. Could Lesnar win and set up Brock vs Rock? Possibly. But wow, that’d really be spitting in the face of the current roster. I think Lesnar vs Undertaker is the more likely future Wrestlemania match here.

Scenario #4: Ryback wins, and is now poised to finally get his revenge on CM Punk and all the cronies who have helped keep the belt on him for months now.

Winner: I’ll tell you in a minute…


WWE Championship
CM Punk (c) vs. The Rock

Scenario #1: The Rock wins after Cena wins the Royal Rumble, setting up Rock vs Cena II, for the WWE Championship. I don’t like it. Not only is it way too predictable, Rock vs Cena II just doesn’t need a belt to go over with the fans, and putting a belt on a guy who’s been gone for months and years, depending upon your math is kind of not cool.

Scenario #2: Alas, it is not The Shield who interferes, because via the Vince McMahon stipulation, that would disqualify Punk, but instead, it is either Brad Maddox (who as you recall, signed with CM Punk’s manager Paul Heyman on Monday) or Heyman’s other stable member, Brock Lesnar who comes in and takes out the Rock, allowing CM Punk to retain… and face RR Winner Ryback at Wrestlemania. Maddox makes a lot of sense, because of the Heyman signing. Lesnar makes a lot of sense, because, wow, what a great way to add fuel to an Undertaker Lesnar match.

Winner(s): I am choosing Scenario #4 for the Royal Rumble, and Scenario #2 for this match, meaning CM Punk here, with Ryback wining the Royal Rumble- meaning Rock vs Cena II gets set up based on mutual respect alone (nobody wants the belt back on Cena yet anyway). Think about it. If Punk loses to The Rock… even ‘telling a tale’ needs to be based on reality. It’s bad enough that the entire, working, WWE roster has to take a back seat while a title shot gets handed to a part-timer, so in my eyes, they sure as hell can’t make it worse by putting the belt on him. Conversely, Punk can’t beat Rocky either, because it immediately sends the message that he is a superior wrestler than John Cena was last year in Florida- which nullifies the WWE’s Prime Directive that Cena is a superhero. So Punk cheating to win is the only conceivable conclusion here, and based on The Shield, Brad Maddox, and everything else that has been in his way, it only makes sense that Ryback wins the Royal Rumble to face him at Wrestlemania. Lastly, much to the delight of the victorious CM Punk, I look for AJ Lee’s involvement in the Royal Rumble, as she will be the very reason that John Cena does not win it.

Most Eliminations: Ryback
Ironman: Dolph Ziggler


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