WWE Extreme Rules 2013

WWE Extreme Rules 2013 Predictions – May 19, 2013 – Predictions from Smartasses Magazine Senior Editor- Johnny Video.

WWE Extreme Rules 2013 Predictions | Pay Per View Predictions – SA Magazine

Extreme Rules is not only the one WWE pay-per-view of the year where rules are tossed out and anything goes, it’s also unequivocally the least cared about PPV of the year. I’ll be ecstatic if three people read this. Extreme Rules will air on Sunday, May 19, 2013.

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Pre-Show: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes

You can gripe about there being no build to this match, or consider it a harkening back to the old days when they put matches on the card, simply because it was a good match. With that said, on the basis that I do not care much for the WWE product, I should probably seize the opportunity to complain. But instead, I’ll look at the bright side, and use the latter as justification for one of the few, teeny-tiny reasons why I continue to watch their low-brow circus for pre-teens. Either way, look for Damien Sandow to sneak in and help Cody get a cheap win.

Winner: Cody Rhodes




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Chris Jericho vs Fandango

I would have originally believed that this was where Jericho gets his revenge for his Wrestlemania 29 loss to Fandango, until I watched Smackdown, when Chris got one over on Fandango, and we all know the “opposite” rule- Whatever happens on the “Go Home” show, the opposite will occur on the PPV. Besides, a good ol’ “injury” to Y2J may just be the excuse he needs to go tour with Fozzy, film a movie, host a robot show, or any number of other things he could do to be making better use of his time.

Winner: Fandango

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Randy Orton vs. Big Show

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t there used to be a time when we all cared about Randy Orton and Big Show, both? Has the past year or so of lower mid-card status been the rest of Randy Orton’s punishment, following his 2012 wellness suspension? Sure feels like it. As far as Big Show, methinks his time has passed and it’s time to apply for social security. With that said, I’ll flip a coin on this yawn-fest and go with the younger guy with a brighter future.

Winner: Randy Orton

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Strap Match
Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

On paper, one would think that a strap match would be the one and only type of “strong man” type match where Sheamus could actually defeat Mark Henry, making that your clue as to who will walk away with the victory. However, I think things need to somehow turn around so that Sheamus and Orton can feud, allowing Randy Orton to turn heel and actually become relevant again. Furthermore, didn’t WWE just sign another “strong man” in Adam “Big Country” Scherr? I think Henry needs to look strong (no pun intended) to continue whatever it is they’re doing to lead up to whatever it is they plan on doing with Scherr.

Winner: Mark Henry

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WWE Tag Team Tornado Championship Match
Daniel Bryan and Kane (c) vs. Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins

The Shield has never been pinned. Kane’s been jobbing a lot lately. The world wants Bryan back in the title hunt, as well as a tag team that can truly employ The Freebird Rules. So my prediction is that WWE takes a page out of The Four Horsemen’s playbook, and the Shield wins all the gold tonight. Oops. I just gave away my prediction for the next match.

Winner: Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins

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U.S. Championship
Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Dean Ambrose

As I said in the previous prediction, The Shield pulls a Horsemen move and wins all the gold, and who knows, maybe even JJ Dillon will show up. The only question that remains is, will Koferco T. Wareston actually allow vocal chord noises to come out of his mouth, or will he continue his trend of pretending-to-talk-because-he-assumes-the-crowd-can’t-hear-him-anyway tactic?

Winner: Dean Ambrose

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Number One Contenders ‘I Quit’ Match
Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

Well, with Dolph Ziggler out due to a concussion, it takes all of the mystery out of this one. Ziggler is a heel, so the babyface has to be the number one contender. Oh, and here is me mentioning AJ Lee for no reason whatsoever.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

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Steel Cage Match
Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar

Another loss by Brock Lesnar to a pseudo-retired WWE pencil-pusher doesn’t really do much to build up Brock as a monster for all the fun things they have planned for him this year. Better to have him look like an unstoppable behemoth going up to Wrestlemania 30, so either The Rock or John Cena can take him on.

Winner: Brock Lesnar

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WWE Championship: Last Man Standing Match
John Cena (c) vs. Ryback

New Coke. Ryan Leaf. The Edsel. The HMS Victoria. David Beckham In America. The XFL. Chernobyl. Ryback’s Heel Turn. Unlike those failed things, this match is actually savable, if Ryback wins because of Cena’s “injury” and then joins The Shield, having four men who truly hold *all* the gold. And maybe even have Heyman manage them. But the WWE isn’t that smart.

Winner: John Cena

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Want more predictions? Catch Smart Mark Radio Pro Wrestling Weekend
LIVE at 6PM ET on Sunday May 19, 2013!

As always, @SmartassesNet will be tweeting LIVE during the Pay Per View!

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© Smartasses Magazine

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