WWE Elimination Chamber 2013 – February 17, 2013 – Predictions from Smartasses Magazine Senior Editor- Johnny Video.
WWE Elimination Chamber 2013 Predictions | Pay Per View Predictions – SA Magazine
I guess I picked a good time to start writing predictions for the WWE, something I formerly refused to do just because I found World Wrestling Entertainment to be barely tolerable, in much the same way that it’s barely tolerable to listen to an eighth grader brag about how cool he is based on the fact that he knows a couple of penis jokes. However, maybe it’s just because they’re stepping things up due to being on the proverbial Road To Wrestlemania, but I’ve actually been enjoying the WWE as of late. Raw has a long ways to go before it’s the cool thing to do on Monday nights like WCW Nitro used to be, but it hasn’t been as sucky, and I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been thoroughly enjoying Smackdown lately- as it’s almost gotten back to that same feel which WWE Superstars used to have on Saturday afternoons…. which is probably due in some part to the fact that I DVR it and watch it on Saturday afternoons. But at least it feels good when I do. Without digressing too much before the predictions, I will say that this Smackdown improvement is due largely in part to the color commentating of JBL, and the fact that Michael Cole is nowhere near a microphone. Josh Mathews is still a bit of a moron, but I’ll take him any day over Cole.
Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Ironic that I just finished giving the WWE some praise for rising above the eighth-grade antics, and then immediately segue into a match filled with eighth grade antics. Maybe it’s because Brodus Clay & Lord Tensai give me a warm & fuzzy reminder of the days when The Twin Towers – Big Bossman & Akeem roamed the ring, but for whatever reason, this corny duo works. I should also add that it was nice to see Cameron and Naomi finally getting in the action again last week when they gave Eva Mendes a nice little beating in their cheerleader uniforms. Since they are both wrestlers in their own right, I have to imagine that they were happy as well, and probably won’t tolerate the reduction of only being Funkadactyl backup dancers for very much longer. Regarding this match, it seems to be a bit of a no-brainer, doesn’t it? Rhodes and Sandow already said they were amicably parting ways and splitting up as a tag team. Why on Earth then, would there be any reason to believe that the WWE writing staff is going to pencil them in for a victory here? In fact, the only unknown here, is how long it will be before they decide to put those bronze belts around their waists.
Winner: Brodus Clay & Tensai
WWE Divas Championship
Kaitlyn (c) vs. Tamina
Not that anyone really cares what happens during the sandwich-break match, but I’m going to trash tradition on this one, and steer away from the “Divas Champion 101” rule, which tells me that a new Diva always holds the title for exactly 120 days (give or take). The fact of the matter is, Kaitlyn may be their new Kelly Kelly, but no one has been given a real reason to care about her yet. It’s all in the story telling, or lack of. I think WWE wants to interject a little ‘care’ here, and give the WWE Universe a reason to hope Kaitlyn wins back the strap at Wrestlemania. Six weeks of Tamina holding the gold and being a bitch about it should do the trick. Besides, Tamina can’t lose too many more matches or nobody on Earth will ever take her seriously as the ‘monster’ she’s supposed to be.
Unites States Championship
Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. The Miz
I am admittedly getting a little tired of reading and hearing from the wrestling smarks out there that The Miz is not over as a babyface. These are the same people who also say Jim Ross is the greatest announcer in wrestling history. Forgive me for saying so, but the only reason anyone says either of these things is simply because they heard someone else say it… and they feel a little better about themselves, parading around with ‘facts’ that have some inane article written by a twelve year old on the Bleacher Report to back it up. Jim Ross only sounds good when you compare him to Michael Cole. As far as The Miz goes? Listen to the crowd, people. That’s called cheering. Much louder cheering than you get for Alberto Del Rio who everyone tries to paint as being over as a babyface with the WWE Universe, and isn’t. Either way, I felt as though the United States Championship should have changed hands at The Royal Rumble, but it didn’t. Being that this is the case, I do not believe it should change hands here. Let it happen at Wrestlemania. There are enough other ‘feel good’ moments built into this pay-per view.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
John Cena & Ryback & Sheamus vs. The Shield
Kind of surprising that there are six cages inside the elimination chamber itself, six men here, this is The Elimination Chamber pay-per view, and yet this match is not taking place inside of that structure. With that said, I personally cannot see any advantage to the good guys winning this one, unless it creates some sort of dissension within the ranks of The Shield. Cena has his story line ahead of him since he’ll be facing the winner of tonight’s Rock vs Punk match at Wrestlemania, and seeing as how it looks like they’re setting up a feud between The Shield and Clay & Tensai, I think The Shield needs to look strong. Plus, not only do I believe that the whole ‘Brad Maddox hates The Shield bit’ was a swerve, meaning Pretty Boy Brad has been, in fact, working with The Shield all along and spells heel-shenanigans for this match, we all know the rule, whatever happens on Raw, the opposite will happen on the PPV- and the good guys got over on Raw. Sheamus takes the pin.
Winner: The Shield
World Heavyweight Title Match
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Big Show
A few things are clear to me on this one- first and foremost, I know this is the end to the Alberto Del Rio vs Big Show feud. The second thing I know is that a new feud will develop tonight, between the Mexican Alberto Del Rio, and Jack Swagger & his new manager Zeb Coulter… who seem to have a problem with Mexicans crossing our borders. For me, this works out perfectly, as it gets ADR out of the Heavyweight Championship picture, which will be necessary due to the third thing that I know- Since it obviously takes a long time to beat down on someone the size of Big Show, this looks to be a long, dramatic match that will probably steal the night, ending with Del Rio’s miraculous first pin and win over the Show. Unfortunately, this will also make it quite easy for Swagger & Coulter to beat him unconscious post-match, and allow Dolph Ziggler to finally cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase, and walk away with the gold. Which just so happens to make it a proverbial piece of cake to predict the winner of the next match.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
6 Man Elimination Chamber Match
Randy Orton vs Mark Henry vs Chris Jericho vs Jack Swagger vs Daniel Bryan vs Kane
Here’s how I believe it will go down. I think Randy Orton will be the first one eliminated. I think Daniel Bryan will eliminate Kane. I think Mark Henry will eliminate the most people. I think Chris Jericho and Mark Henry will be the last two. That’s what I think. Here’s what I know:
Winner: Chris Jericho
The Rock (c) vs. CM Punk
Winner: The Rock
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