Top 12 Things Overheard At The VMA’s

Top 12 Things Overheard At The VMA’s and other fake, satirical headlines, as heard on Smartasses Radio.




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Top 12 Things Overheard At The VMA’s | Phony NewsSmartasses Magazine

Michael Karkoc, a top commander of a Nazi SS-led unit, accused of burning villages filled with women and children, has been living in Minnesota since shortly after World War II, according to records obtained by the Associated Press through the Freedom of Information Act. Karkoc reportedly told American authorities in 1949, that he had performed no military service during World War II, thus concealing his work as a founding member of the Nazi SS-led Ukrainian Self Defense Legion. When reporters came knocking at the 94 year old Ukrainian’s Minneapolis home last week, Karkoc calmly maintained his innocence… adjusted his red and black lederhosen, and went back to his Bang & Olufsen home theatre, where he resumed eating wiener schnitzel and laughing at Schindler’s List.

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Top 12 Things Overheard At The VMA's

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Four central Pennsylvania residents, said they used only a rope and a flashlight during a wild chase to rescue a young bear, whose head had been stuck in a plastic jar for at least 11 days. The frightened but powerful bruin fell into a swimming pool at least twice during the ordeal, but the group eventually yanked off the jar and set the animal free. Experts say the animal was attracted to the container because it once contained cooking oil, and local game commissioners are now encouraging people to keep lids on food jars that they throw away. It’s being reported that former President George W Bush was trying to phone the four Pennsylvania heroes, but was reportedly having cell phone issues, since he had fallen into a swimming pool with his head stuck in a jar.

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Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is now dangling the idea that if the Republican Party doesn’t do things the way she wants to, she could entertain the idea of bolting the party for a new party called the “Freedom Party.” Minutes later, in a message to Palin, Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee said, “Awww. So soon? Well… okay.. if you really have to…”

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New research shows, that copper contamination can occur, when humans make wishes and toss pennies into natural wells, resulting in toxic levels of copper in the pools. With this new information recently found from a study done at the University of Lethbridge in Canada, research also shows that copper contamination can also affect a fish’s ability to detect and potentially avoid predators, as well as other fish senses, and the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency warns that humans need to be wary of copper contamination too. In other news, Kanye West was overheard at a Marina Del Ray eatery last week shouting, “Dayam, bitch. Quit throwin’ pennies in mah Soda Pop!”

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TOP NEWS: Taylor Momsen To Appear On The Next Episode Of  "Spot Ronald McDonald's Sister"
TOP NEWS: Taylor Momsen To Appear On The Next Episode Of
“Spot Ronald McDonald’s Sister”.

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Pop princess Britney Spears has given us all a little bit of insight into her upcoming album. She said that basically the album isn’t anything that fans would expect from her this time around. Because using the toilet during an US Magazine interview without closing the door, hitting another car on a vitamin run without leaving a note, trying on boy shorts in the middle of a West Hollywood Hustler Store at 1AM, driving drunk with your three kids in the backseat during a custody battle, shaving your head, hitching up with a twonk like Kevin Federline, attacking paparazzi with an umbrella and ending up in a psychiatric hospital where your Daddy needs to spoonfeed you at the age of twenty-six are all just so darn predictable for a former Disney star.

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Sarah Murnaghan, the 10-year-old Pennsylvania girl who received adult organs in a controversial double-lung transplant surgery, is now awake and responsive, after a federal judge issued a temporary restraining order that suspended the age limit for the nation’s transplant rules. The girl, who suffers from severe cystic fibrosis, said that the ordeal was ‘nerve-racking’, especially after a complicated transfer from a high-frequency breathing machine to a normal ventilator, but added that she’s sure she’ll feel more at ease, once she can sneak in a cigarette.

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In Justin Bieber news, Paris Jackson, daughter of the late Michael Jackson, has gone on record as saying that she detests the young pop star, largely because he wouldn’t speak up about teenage girls cutting themselves. Sources connected to the family say that Paris, who is currently at UCLA Medical Center, after cutting her own self with a knife and downing 20 Motrin — was enraged after learning how some of Justin’s female fans started tweeting about cutting themselves as an expression of love for the singer… and he went radio silent rather than talking the girls out of it. While it is ironic that Paris would berate Bieber for not taking a stance on cutting, it is perhaps even more ironic that most people don’t have to dig quite so deep to hate him, and see it as an absolute blessing… whenever the annoying little bastard does keep his pussy-mouth shut.

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Walle, a 4-year-old duck-footed mix of beagle, boxer and basset hound from Chico, CA, was declared the winner Friday night, at the 25th annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest. Walle and owner Tammie Barbee take home $1,500 as a result of the victory, and will make several network TV appearances, including NBC’s Today show and ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. In what many are calling an upset, the huge-headed mutt, who was entered at the last minute, overcame the dominance displayed in recent years by nearly hairless Chihuahuas and Chinese Cresteds, but perhaps the most shocked of all, was second place winner, Nicki Minaj.

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