Top 12 Excuses Beyonce Can Use To Skip Kim Kardashian’s Wedding

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Top 12 Excuses Beyonce Can Use To Skip Kim Kardashian Wedding | Phony NewsSA Magazine

The 2,000-pound Gravity Field and Steady-State Ocean Circulation Explorer, a European Space Agency satellite known shorthand as GOCE– finally reached the Earth’s atmosphere on Sunday, after dropping out of it’s orbit when it ran out of fuel. A large portion of the debris burned up in the atmosphere, and while some surviving debris could have fallen somewhere along a path through the Western Pacific to Antarctica, any leftover bits of the satellite do not pose a threat, since Khloe Kardashian shot herself into space to eat it.

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Top 12 Excuses Beyonce Can Use To Skip Kim Kardashian's Wedding

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More Phony News

The bottlenose dolphin die-off that began in July has been traveling steadily south with migrating Atlantic herds, and now diseased and dead dolphins are turning up in Florida. The culprit, a measles-like virus, has claimed 753 victims and counting, and has now been spotted in two species of whale. Sadly, scientists report that recording artist and voice judge CeeLo Green has approximately two months to live.

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Megan FoxA 3D printing services company has built a fully functioning, semi-automatic pistol… and has shown that it works just as well as a traditionally manufactured gun. Built by Solid Concepts, the pistol is a replica of the a .45-caliber semi-automatic pistol formerly carried by the U.S. military, and Solid Concepts demonstrated the gun… by firing 50 rounds with it. While this may raise some concerns, the feeling within the company is that, seeing as how their 3D printer not only requires a great deal of engineering prowess, as well as a budget of half a million dollars, the technology poses no threat to society. However, not to be discouraged with details, it is being reported that those geeky wallflowers who stood on the sidelines at your prom, are currently in the works of creating the world’s first 3D printed Megan Fox.

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Google announced on Saturday, that it’s wearable computing eyewear known as Google Glass will also be available as prescription lenses, when the mega-mogul search engine company launches the glasses in 2014, which means that it’s now that much easier for jocks and cheerleaders sitting at the “Cool Table” to know who to beat up.

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A hot air balloon exploded after landing in Southern California on Saturday, injuring four people aboard, three of them seriously, authorities said. According to Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Ian Gregor, the explosion occurred after the balloon had already landed peacefully, with the occupants still in the gondola. Authorities did not give any indication what might have caused the explosion, but have not ruled out foul play. Among the top suspects are Phileas Fogg, The Baron of Munchausen, and that old guy from Up.

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Area Alzheimer's Couple Forgets To Remember Memorial Day
TOP NEWS: (AP) Findlay, OH – May 27, 2013 – Area Alzheimer’s Couple Forgets To Remember Memorial Day. Roots On Jesse Owens Instead.

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Justin BieberWith the Internet still buzzing over a video of him sleeping, taken by a woman in Brazil, and of him getting kicked out of his hotel room in Argentina, TMZ has released a video of Justin Bieber stealing a bike from The Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. Security responded quickly to the incedent, and were able to wrest the bicycle from Bieber without a struggle, but not due to the pop star being intimidated by the guards, but because he had trouble riding it without training wheels.

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According to legal documents obtained by TMZ, Tom Cruise reportedly not only thinks he trains harder than Olympic athletes, he believes his job as a professional actor is as grueling as fighting the war in Afghanistan. The Top Gun actor has denied the claims, saying they were “distortions” taken out of context, and then explained that what he meant to say was that it was really him who built the Great Wall of China, that he did indeed venture into Hades to save Persephone, and that he and L. Ron Hubbard have traveled from the future planet Zagaron, to kick Jesus’ ass and save your immortal soul.

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Kate MossIn Science news… Using details from NASA’s Gravity Recovery and Inside Laboratory Mission, or GRAIL for short, Scientists have now been able to explain exactly how the Moon’s face acquired it’s rugged look. Pleased with the results, NASA says it will move next, to haggered supermodel Kate Moss.

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The US Navy gathered on Saturday morning, to participate in the christening of the USS Gerald Ford, it’s new lead ship, from the next class of nuclear-powered aircraft carriers, scheduled to join the fleet in 2016. Chief of Naval Operations, Admiral Jonathan Greenert was set to move forth with the traditional “smashing of a bottle of sparkling wine across the bow” on the new warship, but unfortunately, the boat tripped, fell down the stairs, and sank.

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