Polson Man Officially Loves Playing Madden More Than Anyone

“I remember when Paul was a little kid, he even had a Madden poster on his bedroom door.”




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Polson Man Loves Playing Madden More Than Anyone | Phony NewsSA Magazine

Polson Man Loves Playing Madden More Than Anyone ElseAugust 10, 2013 – Polson, Montana – With a population of less than 4,500, to say that the residents of Polson, Montana, were in shock, when the news broke that the man who loves playing Madden more than anyone was living right in their midst, might just be the largest understatement in the town’s history.

Though to date, there is no official entry in the Guinness Book Of World Records in regards to just how much he loves playing the now twenty-five year old “Madden”, nor who his closest competitors were, for those most familiar with Paul Barros, whom friends affectionately refer to as “Bear”, the feeling is that it’s really only a matter of time. “Playing Madden is the first thing Bear does when he gets home,” states Paul’s roommate, Mark Moody. ‘If Paul doesn’t love playing Madden more than anyone else, I don’t know who does.”

Despite being the world record holder, and receiving the ostensibly boundless amounts of accolade and attention that come from loving the popular NFL based video game more than anyone else on our exceptionally populous planet, Barros remains humble. “There really isn’t much else to do here,” he chortled. “So when I get home from running my drive-through convenience store, a lot of times I’ll jump online to try and find cheat-codes or something, but most of the time I’ll just grab a Pepsi, sit in my recliner, and play a couple of games before I go to bed.”

When asked what his favorite team to play as was, surprisingly, it wasn’t the Chicago Bears. “I like to play as all the teams, but if I had to choose, I’d go with the Vikings or Seahawks,” Barros stated, and when asked how he, a somewhat petite man who works forty hours a week was able to achieve such a notable, and seemingly irrealizable merit well beyond the bounds of possibility, Barros didn’t throw around superlatives like “dedication” or “commitment”, but exclaimed instead, “Maybe it’s because I’m not really dating anybody right now. I don’t know, I just like Madden a lot. I just know in my heart I love playing Madden more than anyone.”

Though other Maddenites across the globe will definitely be skeptical of the notion that someone could possibly love playing Madden more than them, not only are Paul’s parents assuring the outside world that their son does indeed certifiably love playing Madden more than anyone, but Paul’s co worker, Running Wolf Pennington, cautions the naysayers too, and says that Paul’s canonical recognition for his adoration of the quarter-century old game is indeed official. “I’ve seen Bear turn down movie offers, or happy-hour get-togethers to go home and play Madden instead,” he boasts. “He owns every year of the game, a lot of times he’ll wear a football jersey when he plays it, and I remember when he was a little kid, he even had a Madden poster on his bedroom door.”

Despite the few skeptics, most authorities concur that indeed, no one on Earth loves playing Madden more than Barros, and feel as though anything less than crowning him the irrefutable King Of Madden for life would be an insult. As far as Lake County goes, there has been talk of possibly holding a ticker-tape parade in celebration of Barros’ monumental commendation, and the notion of having a painting or bust commissioned has been rumored too. Though there are no plans in place to name a street after Barros yet, most people agree that both the erecting of a Paul Barros statue in the center of the town square, and his receiving the key to the city, are all but inevitable.

“It’s really only once in a blue moon when someone officially loves something more than everyone else in the whole world,” proclaims Polson Middle School Science Teacher, Mr. Halvaczyk, “and even more rare when that person lives right under your nose. I used to think I loved Chef Boyardee more than anyone else, but then I met Paul, and saw how much he loves Madden, and now I realize I wasn’t even close.” – Liora Jynx 

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