Elkins Senior Changes Desktop Wallpaper After 5 Long Years

“After five years of monotony, Elkins, Arkansas senior citizen Bob Reed has switched out the desktop wallpaper on his Dell laptop.”


Elkins Senior Changes Desktop Wallpaper After Five Long Years | Phony NewsSMAG

Wolfie - Elkins Senior Changes Desktop Wallpaper After 5 Long Years - Smartasses MagazineJune 27, 2016 – Elkins, Arkansas – To most of the residents at the Oriole Retirement Village, located on Pine Street in the heart of comradely Elkins, Arkansas, a time period spanning half of one decade is a strikingly large amount of time. So it’s scantily worth mentioning, that when a man impetuously abandoned a position he had held steadfastly for those same five years, to suddenly, with neither encouragement nor provocation, transform the background image on a trusty Dell laptop with nary an explanation to anyone, suffice it to say, it was an exploit which quickly caused abundant murmuring within the murky shadows of the retirement home’s hallowed halls. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending upon your perspective, indeed, this is a tale of truism. Though admittedly, the sudden and stupefying development came as a surprise to even himself, Oriole indweller and retired milkman Bob Reed, after nearly one quarter of a score of faithful ardor, has given into nefariously seductive temptation, and switched out the wallpaper on his 2006 Vostro 1700, much to the alarm of his fellow, elder hamleteers.

After learning about the astounding, and some say hasty development in Reed’s usually welcoming suite 217, found four doors down on the left from the wheelchair friendly elevator located on the second floor, several occupants of the routinely sociable Oriole community were forced to take a break from the daily comforts of their assisted-living colony, and either hold their denture equipped mouths agape, or clasp their cheeks with a pair of voluminously open palms, in an effort to traject authentic, emotional awe towards the man, who once smiled and donned a bowtie, while driving a truck for Creightor Dairy over the course of so many decades. However, Reed believes that this modernistic change, which some would undoubtedly refer to as an expeditious vicissitude, is not without both merit and forethought. In fact, in a manner seemingly void of fear for sounding boastful, the former moo-juice dispatcher is conspicuously on record, and has decreed quite vehemently, that the new, au courant replacement paste-up adorning his faithful and efficient Windows Vista laptop, is perhaps, quite possibly, “the greatest photograph ever taken.”

“Five years is a very long time,” says the 66 year old Reed, when speaking of the superannuated adornment that once proudly embellished his dependable, cobalt blue portable CPU, “And I did love that picture. It was a copy of a photograph I’d seen on one of those kid’s posters they sell in K-Marts” he added. “It was this photograph of a wolf, running through the snow. Probably in the moonlight. With me being one sixty-fourth Cherokee Indian and all, it really spoke to me.”


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Though it is true, that most people would have to painstakingly traverse city corner after city corner, and abandoned filling station after abandoned filling station, in desperate hopes of receiving the bounteous and fortuitous godsend of unearthing a similar, surely less palatial oil-painted version of this resplendent photograph of an imperial wolf, who Oriole tenants had nicknamed “Wolfie”, perambulating through the immaculate quiet of freshly fallen snow– which is both an arresting, real life piece, as well as an opulent display of confirmedly paramount craftsmanship. But alas, in the end, neither that familiarity, nor Reed’s longstanding knowledge of what his Native American forefathers “would have wanted”, were enough to keep him resolute.

Which is why only a minute few agree with the cream peddler’s decision to, via harefooted desertion, spontaneously stigmatize and defame not only a prodigious work of art, but his own family’s dowry and heritage. In fact, Bob’s closest friends and allies express little sentiment, beyond their bottomless, funereal emotions over the swift, careless metamorphosis of his otherwise well-kept computer screen, and the sudden loss of its Aboriginal-American garnished facade.

Barbara Palvin - Elkins Senior Changes Desktop Wallpaper After 5 Long Years -Smartasses Magazine“He would always let us play solitaire on his computer during Razorbacks games,” says Ed Cradick, a retired Piggly Wiggly manager who enjoys the safe, nurturing environment and individualized senior care that Oriole Retirement Village provides, “and I have to admit, seeing that wolf photograph Bob had installed in the background always gave me a sense of closure at the end of a session. Hitting the little red X and heading back downstairs to put on my pajamas will never be the same.”

On the other hand, despite having the cruel memory of acerbically bidding an unceremonious and immeasurably premature goodbye to the photo of Wolfie in his conscience, a photograph that is undoubtedly an ethereal, captured vision, which many within the retirement coterie parallel to a true-hearted and real-life pet or a comfortable pair of loafers, Reed speaks of the new, fresh, unsullied portrait, with a gleam in his eye that is both noticeable, and not unlike the nativity of a new star being born amongst the heavens. “My new wallpaper is a picture of some really cool California roller skate girl” says the former tradesperson of homogenized, waxen drinkables. “There’s palm trees, and grass, and she’s wearing these really cool tube socks with her white roller skates. It reminds me of the 80’s.” Reed, is unwittingly speaking of fashion model Barbara Palvin, and his newfound copy of her photoshoot from page 293 of the 2011 Spring Fashion issue of Elle, that now sits ostentatiously behind dozens of icons on his ten year old, transportable, blue peripheral. However, sadly, the one-time merchant of vitamin D enriched alabaster wholesomeness is substantially too unclean, and far too smitten with Barbara’s abundance of nubile sorcery, to realize he doesn’t even know the leggy supermodel’s true identity.

The retirement community’s Vice President of Resident affairs, Edith Mandelbaum, perhaps sums it up best, “Oriole Village lost a good friend today.” – Liora Jynx


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