Alexis Neiers

You may not know Alexis Neiers as well as you think. You’re probably not even pronouncing her name correctly.

Alexis Neiers | Fifteen More MinutesSmartasses Magazine

Alexis Neiers - Fifteen More Minutes | Smartasses MagazineYou may not know Alexis Neiers quite as well as you think you do. In fact, chances are you’re not even pronouncing her name correctly. It’s ‘Myers’ with an ‘N’, not ‘peers’ with an ‘N’. I know I wasn’t saying it the right way. I also know, that until she granted me this exclusive interview, I didn’t know her as well as I believed either.

Speaking of peers, if you’re like most people, you and yours were probably left scratching their head a little when the E! Network first launched Pretty Wild in March of 2010, and you found yourselves asking, “Who are these people, and why am I supposed to care?” If you headed to Google to try and answer those questions, most likely you exited your Internet browser even more confused.

For whatever reason, nobody could seem to get it quite right. For example, some websites made the mistake of listing her as ‘Alexis Taylor’ or showing a picture of her adopted sister even when they did get the name correct. Alexis herself certainly didn’t help matters when she chose to use ‘Alexis Arlington’ on her now defunct MySpace and Twitter (note: she has a new Twitter, which can be found on her bio page), and added even more fuel to the fire of confusion by some fake additionally posting an incorrect age on her Model Mayhem profile. However, the worst offense of all surely had to be when the Washington Times wrote several articles on Alexis, and used a picture of Lindsay Lohan as the mug shot- and before you ask, no, the article was not about Alexis’ involvements with Lohan, the Times simply made an uber-blunder, most likely because some intern couldn’t sort out the photographs from the Los Angeles County Probation Department properly.

Either way, just to set the record straight, mother Andrea is the ‘Arlington’, (though, it’s really Arlington-Dunn after remarriage); the adopted sister Tess is the ‘Taylor’ (even though it’s just a stage name and her real name is Tess Adler), and lastly, Alexis and her younger sister Gabby are the ‘Neiers’ of the group. I suppose it’s worth mentioning that, although neither were ever on the show, there’s also a brother, Nicholas Neiers and a biological father, Mikel Neiers, who is best known for being the Director of Photography on the NBC hit Friends.

So, now you know what you didn’t know. However, it’s the things you think you know… that actually compelled me to write this article. More than likely, it’s something along the lines of the following, hopefully with better spelling and punctuation:




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“OMG!! This is the most awful show I have ever watched….I almost puked!! These girls are s**ts and the mom is just awful…..eeewwww!! why would E promote this kind of trash? They are thieves and need a jail cell….NOT a tv show.”

“Alexis is the one with the gut. The other one has the “heavy” tatas.”

“It’s disgusting that this slut of a mom breeded more sluts & stupid E wants to make a reality out of stupid kids that wants to grow up to dance on a pole? American telivision is nothing but trash! I am definitely canceling cable!”

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Sadly, as more infamous Neiers-news unfolded, and speculation evolved regarding Alexis’ involvement with the ‘Bling Ring’, the comments worsened. Again, pardon the poor punctuation and spelling, I’m cutting and pasting verbatim:

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“Prisoners who enjoy looking at dumb robber broads with hanging t!t sacks are thanking the heavens that dumb Alexis Neiers is going to the pokey. Don’t drop the soap fool!!”

“Menace to Society in jail works for me. I’m sure it won’t be for a full 6 months, but that Felony tag isn’t going away. and I assume that she’s not required to report to lockup until June 24 so that she can fulfill her E! contract. Sure hope those earnings are garnished and go directly to her victim. how’s that Karma workin’ out for you, Neiers freaks?”

“JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Six Months for Alexis!!!!!!!!!! yes. best Monday ever. I hope that **** gets the meanest bull **** as her cell mate.”

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Some people even went so far as to start a petition, to have the show removed from television. Yes, a petition. Never mind the simple solution, “just change the channel”. Never mind that there were, and are… real problems in the world. Apparently we as Americans have nothing better to do with our lives than ostracize one harmless TV show, which accurately captured a definitive Hollywood lifestyle, prevalent in literally thousands upon thousands of Hollywood households- and crucify the stars of the show as if God Himself charged us with the duty. Here we sit on our comfy sofa, judging Alexis Neiers and her family for being uneducated, poor role models, when we’re not only ignorant of who they really are, we don’t even possess enough education of our own to punctuate and spell our soapbox rant correctly. Pot & Kettle, anyone? Alexis Neiers graduated high school two years early, and speaks with all the eloquence and charm of a United Nations diplomat when she chooses to. On the other hand, these smart mouthed blog-trolls have the magic of spell-check hawking every word they type, and yet, they still can’t seem to get it right. Hypocrisy? I think so. Irony? You be the judge. All I do know is, if you’re going to cast the first stone about stupidity and ignorance, you should at least know that it’s not spelled ‘s-t-o-a-n’.

Alexis Neiers - Fifteen More Minutes | Smartasses MagazinePersonally, as a writer, I am sick and tired of this pharisaism in our civilization. I am disgusted each and every day by the lack of intellect in our world, especially in this country, and I find it nothing short of loathsome that we as a society can no longer make a point, without making it in text-language, curse words, and multiple exclamation points. Individuals, who are this lazy in their own learnedness, are in no position to criticize the intelligence-quotient of others, and certainly have no business talking about how to be a role model, when they do nothing but act as poor role models themselves, encouraging others to be equally as lackadaisical in the art of proper communication with each and every ‘sentence’ they spew. It’s truly beyond unfortunate that we now live in a world where every Tom, Dick and Harry has access to a computer… and something stupid to say. Knowing what one is talking about, by all appearances, has sadly become a forgotten prerequisite- let alone knowing how to properly type the misguided sentiments.

With that said, regarding Pretty Wild, when I personally watched the show, I guess I just didn’t see what everyone else did. Sure, the family was a little flaky, but I can pretty much guarantee that just about everyone reading this article, at one time or another, has laughed about how dysfunctional their own family is. I know I have. Secondly, the show was named ‘Pretty Wild’ for a reason. What did you expect- three hot girls wearing chiffon scarves, saddle shoes, and going to the library each week? Of course we were going to see them having fun and pushing the envelope a little. I mean, forgive me for seeing the bigger picture here, and call me guilty of ‘living and letting live’ but frankly, what I saw, was a show about five, actually pretty nice people, who yes, wanted to have a little fun, but underneath it all, probably, truthfully hoped that maybe they could make a difference in the world.

Everyone is quick to jump on Andrea, for being a crappy Mother. First of all, this is a woman who pretty much raised herself, and didn’t turn out all that bad. Knowing this, one can certainly follow her logic of, ‘why not go with what works?’ and provide a similar environment for her own siblings, where they not only had the freedom to make their own mistakes and learn from them, but also one where they felt comfortable coming to her as a friend when they needed one. Doesn’t seem all that bad on paper to me. Furthermore, how many of you would have had enough kindness in your heart, to take in a pre-school-aged Tess Taylor, when you saw that her own mother was a heroin addict? Andrea did. No, her lifestyle choices weren’t always ‘June Cleaver’, but this is a good-hearted woman.

More ignorant comments:

“I have gone to Church of Religious Science and I think it is an amazing place. The fact that these girls always say this (And so it is) is a big slap in the face to this church. They are not using the principles this church teaches (karma, kindness, love, giving back) and it makes me sick.”

“Do you ever notice that the people who claim to be super religious or uber do- gooders usually tend to be the biggest hypocrites and straight up liars!!”

“If they do have good hearts they probably STOLE them from someone else…..”

Seems to me that ‘karma, kindness, love, and giving back’ were very high on the agenda under that roof. Alexis, repeatedly states that she believes in karma, in fact, she even stated in the now infamous Vanity Fair article, “I’m a firm believer in Karma and I think this situation (the Bling Ring) was attracted into my life because it was supposed to be a huge learning lesson for me to grow and expand as a spiritual human being.”

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be an insanely mature comment- especially from a person who, despite all of the crucifixions from armchair critics out there, who believed themselves to be divinely entrusted to determine Alexis’s sentence- never stole a damn thing.

For me, try to hammer and nail her to the cross all you want, but one simple fact remains- Alexis is the one who phoned the police. “Yes I called the cops. Not the night of though, the next day.” Alexis continues, “But my arrest… I firmly believe was the best thing that happened to me.” Namely, because it was the beginning, of the end, of a long and ugly chapter in her life.

To understand, one needs to back up a little. Yes, before anyone knew who she was, Alexis did indeed lead a partying lifestyle. In fact, in part at least, it was due to being well known in the Hollywood club circuit, that she caught the attention of executive producer Chelsea Handler in the first place. But in watching the show, and especially after talking with Alexis personally, one gets the distinct feeling that Alexis always wanted to make a difference. She certainly didn’t know what it was she wanted to do, whether it was continuing to teach pilates and pole dancing, starting her own clothing line, or who knows… helping to feed the hungry in third world countries- still, Alexis Neiers wanted to do something. “I see myself being like an Angelina Jolie but even stronger, pushing even harder for the universe and for peace and for the health of our planet. God didn’t give me these talents and looks to just sit around being a model or being famous,” she told Vanity Fair, “ I want to lead a huge charity organization. I want to lead a country, for all I know.”

Chastise her for ‘using’ at the time of that interview all you want. It’s irrelevant. In no way does it alter the sincerity of the comment. In fact, months later, in an E! Online interview she continued the sentiment, “My goal, from day one…it’s hard. It’s hard. I feel like at the end of the day, my only intention ever was to help. It’s been my intention through all of this.” Magniloquent? Given the circumstances, perhaps. Indeed, in the grand scheme of things there’s no denying that Pretty Wild is the Reality-TV equivalent of a Rick Astley song- but her heart was certainly in the right place.

But as they say, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. The point being, despite Alexis Neiers’ best efforts, America was still determined to get out the rifles and put her in front of a firing squad. If it wasn’t for allegedly being a part of the Hollywood robberies, then it was for the drugs. The problem is, most of us were so busy polishing our bullets, that none of us took even one moment, to put ourselves in Alexis’s size seven Bebe’s.

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